Vampire Bar Series: Werewolves of London

Welcome to the latest installment in the Vampire Bar series. You can check out previous articles here. 666 words for your convenience.


The song “Werewolves of London” began streaming through the British speakers from my Spotify playlist The Muse Loves Cannabis.

He was so mellow, I think he’s still not pissed that he’s dead.

I remember meeting Warren Zevon when an undergrad. I’d love to say I was intelligent enough to have interviewed him, but no. He was the most humble and chill famous dude I ever met. He was so mellow, I think he’s still not pissed that he’s dead.

But I digress. The Muse certainly wasn’t dead. She was very much alive.

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A beautiful young toker at a celebration in Ohio.

She freaking saw me. Great. She’s one of those. Jaded pessimism—delicately delivered via a combination of hormones, endorphins, cannabinoids, and neurotransmitters in my body—crept over me.

Goddamnit. Now what?

After all, the only reason I came out of the vampire and cannabis closets was to give a little perspective to this whole herbal prohibition topic. Prohibition: What a friggin’ joke.

I’d spew a plethora of profanity (what one new powerful female friend says is a sign of intelligence), but I made a commitment to mostly PG-rated writing. I don’t want to repel the very people we are trying to educate: Average American voters who need to approve state-level ballot initiatives to legalize cannabis.

Most vampires live a very long time. And are exceptionally healthy. And require little food. And need relatively few hours of sleep. But we still must have some sleep or, like humans, we will lose our minds and experience significantly degraded performance.

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Buds resting on a copy of SKUNK Magazine.

The lust for Scrabble and motorcycles: That’s pretty much just me. Although most vampires are pretty fast with a keyboard or touch screen under their fingers. We have good dexterity, which comes in handy….

Not all vampires drink tons of coffee, indulge in frequent dabbing, or have a thing for dangerous, beautiful woman with above-average vocabularies.

Vampire culture is one of the few areas of life that is more overwhelmed with false stigma and misinformation than the cannabis culture. Think about it.

Those who have spent any time with me in the past: I’m sorry if your skin is crawling and you’re freaking out a bit right now. Yes, that’s right, I was in your living room. I may have used your bathroom after a couple of local craft beers. Note that I didn’t bite you or suck your blood.

Well, there was that one brunette from California. And the Aussie writer chick in Portland with the amazing vernacular. But again, I digress….

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Blues/folk virtuoso guitarist Joe Rollin Porter from Cleveland.

Back to The Muse (silly distracting Spotify): She literally looked in my mental and spiritual sock drawer—and I didn’t even know someone had entered the bloody house—let alone was in the room and standing at the foot of my bed.

I’m going to have to think about this one for a while. In the meantime, I’m partnering with some of the most innovative, creative, and powerful voices in the rapidly evolving cannabis industry to bring you their stories.

Maybe that will be the end of my vampire life. When words are no longer used and everyone just sucks down all their news, entertainment, and communications on YouTube or via some crazy Snapchat plug-in.

My daughter Bean (vampires can reproduce, both with themselves and humans), who has 12,000+ Instagram followers, says most of them “use emoji as a second language.”

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Bean Rabinski embarrasses her father on Instagram.

Yes, dear readers, this vampire will have no reason to live after words are no longer an accepted or mainstream channel of communications. The Ducati will hit a tree at 140 MPH amd that will be all she wrote.

Or all I wrote, rather.

But fear not. Like I said, vampires live a very long time….


All text and photos, unless otherwise noted, Copyright © 2003-2016 Gooey Rabinski. All Rights Reserved.

Gooey Rabinski is a writer, instructional designer, and cannabis satirist who has contributed feature articles to magazines and media outlets such as High Times, The KindSKUNK, Cannabis Culture, WhaxyHeads, Weed World, Green Flower MediaCannabis HBK11RenderHealth Journal, Green Thumb, and Treating Yourself.

He is the author of Understanding Medical Marijuana, available on Amazon Kindle.

His cannabis-related freelance photos, spanning back more than a decade, are available on Instagram and Flickr. He tweets from @GooeyRabinski.

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Vampire Bar Series: The Muse

Welcome to the second installment in the Vampire Bar series. In respect to your time, articles in this series will be exactly 666 words (just as those in the Gooey’s Cannabis Queries series come in at precisely 420 words each).

Check out “The Vampire Bar,” the first piece in this series. It resulted from a pleasant Sunday afternoon on 6th Street in Austin, Texas while drinking a Shiner beer—with no anticipation of discovering a real vampire bar.

Little did I know how that single yellow Shiner bottle would change my life. And, as a vampire, that’s a very long life. You don’t wanna know.

This story reminds me of the time I toured the Spoetzl Brewery where Shiner is lovingly crafted. You could smell the vampires—and not necessarily friendly ones—in that ancient little Texas town. But that is a story for another time….


The irony of this installment is that it didn’t occur at the vampire bar. In fact, certain humans literally conspired (with herself, but who’s counting?) to prevent said vampire cannabis writer from even reaching his favorite bar.

She was successful. I never saw 6th Street on Saturday evening (as I had planned for nearly a week). Tsk tsk. Hidden agendas are always tripping me up. I must be a young soul.


I could smell her—even though she was 1,768 miles from my comfortable seat in North Austin. Her scent, mixed with a bit of this superlative Jack Herer sativa cross from the Pacific Northwest, had me thinking about the music in the air.

The songs of Pete Townshend, delivered via magical Spotify data packets and shitty service from Time-Warner Cable, wafted through my home office. Only minutes earlier, images of her had appeared on multiple touch screens in my vicinity. Then she evaporated, as if she was only a daydream that rapidly diluted into reality.

“Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto, you’re beautiful!”

Now it was Thomas Dolby and the 1982 classic “She Blinded Me With Science” steaming from my playlist. “Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto, you’re beautiful!” sang Dolby (or whomever he hired for the bit) in that satirical faux mad scientist voice.

My delicate relationship with the very organic muse was like a geeked-out spring romance—only with more purpose and solid business undertones (vampires gotta pay the bills, after all). But the emotional and intellectual tension: One could slice it off and spread it on their toast like cannabutter. Yea, that powerful.


Truth be told, I can barely smell humans. These details will be revealed as time goes on, but don’t believe the Hollywood memes and that whole approach to vampires. It is almost—almost—total crap.

Hollywood’s treatment of vampires has been total crap.

You see, all humans aren’t the same. And that’s not to support some Nazi bullshit that claims we can discriminate based on skin color, socioeconomic background, age, or gender preference. Holy shit, what is this, 1820 and we’re Amish? Please.

However, not all humans are the same. But I believe all are worthy of a fair shake. If they waste it…well, I’m not nature. I’m not karma. I’m not the one who catches up with them and requires payment. Again, not a vampire thing. Most of us are not vigilantes or blatant justice seekers, like some twisted dark Marvel superhero.

This muse, she was different. Her image seared right through my cover story as Arctic Monkeys drove home those gritty, sensual, drum-inspired rock songs.

She knew. How could she know?


Bite into the next episode in the Vampire Bar Series….


All text and photos, unless otherwise noted, Copyright © 2003-2016 Gooey Rabinski. All Rights Reserved.

Gooey Rabinski is a writer, instructional designer, and cannabis satirist who has contributed feature articles to magazines and media outlets such as High Times, The KindSKUNK, Cannabis Culture, WhaxyHeads, Weed World, Green Flower MediaCannabis HBK11RenderHealth Journal, Green Thumb, and Treating Yourself.

He is the author of Understanding Medical Marijuana, available on Amazon Kindle.

His cannabis-related freelance photos, spanning back more than a decade, are available on Instagram and Flickr. He tweets from @GooeyRabinski.